Unfreezing Myself: Musings on Anxiety, People Pleasing, and Letting Go of Figuring 'Everything' Out
Plus last month's winners and some recommendations.
On a few occasions recently, I’ve felt frozen, near-rooted to my seat, in an almost slow-motion anxious paralysis over what to do next. If you’re old enough to remember when the VCR would forward super slowly - yep, that’s me. I’m kinda sorta readying myself to do the thing or have my diary, laptop, phone, list, all the things, at hand and either nothing happens or I go at a snail’s pace and do something less taxing that’s somewhat related but not the actual thing. The source of my freezing? Activities related to ‘selling’ and ‘visibility’. Ugh, not to the activities but to my cycle of freezing up and getting on my nerves.
Was it always like this? Um, no. The big joke here is that prior to self-employed life, I worked in media sales and was responsible for bringing in millions of pounds each year for my section of the magazine. I also founded the popular kids’ lifestyle blog Bambino Goodies and helped indie retailers, designers and artists sell shedloads of their stuff.
For the first several years of self-employed life, I was better at telling people about books, courses, workshops, coaching, etc., I had available. It was easier to make it obvious to readers and listeners because there wasn’t what seem like a million and one ways to split a person’s attention via the likes of social media.
Yet here I am, weeks away from my twentieth blogging anniversary and over sixteen years into self-employment and let’s just call it what it is: anxiety has built up around work, specifically putting myself out there in very direct ways. And it’s bloody annoying and I also have compassion for myself.
When you experience anxiety and resistance around doing something, it’s tempting to be harsh on yourself or even make the mistake of thinking that yelling at or shaming yourself like a belligerent, over-invested parent/coach will get results. Just feckin’ get on with it! Stop being a baby about it! You’re not bleedin’ leaving here until it’s done! Well, Jo, Bessie and Fanny do this without losing their minds. What’s your problem? LAZY!
You might force yourself to do the thing, especially if someone else is waiting on it or there’s the powerful force of urgency and survival. Nothing like a deadline or wondering how you’ll pay your bills to kick you into action, although the unfreezing might still happen at the last minute.
Of course, I’m not alone. Turns out, plenty of my pals freeze about the same thing. I’ve also spoken with friends, family and readers who freeze about life admin (I hear ya!), asking for help, voicing needs, and admitting they’re struggling (I also hear ya!), having potentially difficult but necessary conversations, and the list goes on.