When the Answer's Right in Front of You

A tale of 'bad tea' ☕️ and self-discovery

Have you ever struggled with something and tried every which way to solve it or even blamed other reasons for the issue, only to realise the answer was right in front of you?

Earlier this year, I found myself in a quandary: a lifelong lover of tea, I’d stopped enjoying my cuppas. I blamed London’s hard water, even our lovely kettle and the filtered water, and then wondered if my favourite brands changed their tea formulas, leading to my then trying out several others. But I continued drinking unsatisfactory cups or abandoning barely drunk ones.

I had to admit something that felt at odds with what I understood about myself: I no longer like tea.

When I stopped drinking dairy milk twelve years ago, that tracked. I’d struggled with cereal as a child and was one of those eighties kids whose parents put sugar in the milk to get me to eat cereal. But tea? Jaysus! If I had to stop, fine, after all, I’ve been wheat-free for fourteen years, but it felt important to understand what was going on.

When I feel like I’m going round in circles on something, I reflect on where else I’ve felt, thought and acted similarly — part of my central practice of asking What’s the baggage behind it? I also wondered if I was overlooking the obvious.

I recognised a feeling I’ve grappled with in the past where there’s an obvious but uncomfortable solution to something and you’re opting for anything but that.

Like when I’d feel unfulfilled and frustrated in relationships with Mr Unavailables (emotionally unavailable men) and then make the problem my worthiness, not my settling for crumbs and his neglect and emotional unavailability. To remedy the problem, I’d then up the people pleasing, eventually hitting the point of resentment and finally seeing the real problem.

Oh, sugar.

Honestly, it hadn’t occurred to me that the culprit of my disliking tea was sugar because, well, I like sugar and had it in my tea since childhood. Tea is a part of British and Irish culture. On some level, I’d convinced myself that I’d hate drinking black tea without a little something-something.

But as soon as I twigged it was sugar and tested my theory, that was the end of over forty years of sweet tea. Boom, I and my body are back to loving tea again.

I share all of this because things change, and that includes what you think you know about yourself.

There are things you do in your life right now that are habitual and even ritual that maybe you don’t actually like, love or even need. You might also be so used to doing things in a certain way that it hasn’t occurred to you that there might be a better way that suits who you are now.

I’m a big believer that how we do one thing shows up in how we do other things. After the whole tea drama, I’ve paid attention to routine elements of my life and noticing where I continue with something out of habit even if, when I really tune into it, it doesn’t feel truly satisfying or workable any longer.

Like when I moved the bulk of my cosmetics out of my bedroom and into the bathroom cabinet I’d hardly used. I suspect my morning routine originally changed over almost ten years of school runs and the bathrooms would be super busy in the mornings. The move might seem inconsequential but it’s totally changed my morning and night routine and fits so much better with my needs.

And, you know, I went through a period of wondering if I’m supposed to be doing something else. I slowed down and took time out to gently explore what else might be calling me. Am I supposed to find a new passion or career? Jaysus, should I get a j.o.b.? Should I find something else to talk about, to connect with people over, that has nothing to do with [anything ‘Baggage Reclaim’]? Is it that I’m supposed to be a full-time artist?

And then, in all this space I’d given myself, I waited for the answer to land on me. You can imagine my annoyance when it felt like crickets. Where the frick is the big idea?

When I tuned into what I perceived to be ‘crickets’ and it sounded like doing more of what I’d already loved, just with more boundaries and art practice, I was like, You’ve got to be kidding me. But I kept listening, slowly 👀.

I guess what I’m also saying is don’t lose that curiosity about yourself, and notice when your ego gets in the way of doing what feels good and right for you, even if it doesn’t look like The Plan or how someone else would or ‘should’ do it.

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