This resonated deeply, Natalie—especially your point about how hard it can be to let ourselves need things, let alone ask for them. There’s so much tenderness in how you describe the tension between advocating for yourself and unlearning the instinct to minimize your needs. I felt that line—“I don’t need to shrink myself to make it minimally taxing for others to take care of me.” What a powerful reframe.
Also loved the image of using this downtime not just to heal, but to reset and renegotiate how you want to show up in this new season. Feels like such a gift in disguise. Thank you for modeling that it’s okay to slow down—and that rest, softness, and clarity can go hand in hand.
Sending warmth as you continue to recover and recalibrate. 💛
Why is advocating for oneself so much harder than for others? I'm so glad you did and are using your recovery time to rest and reset. I'd love to rewatch all those mysteries, too!
Thanks so much, Lisa. I think we're so oriented to be almost overattuned to other people's needs and wants that paying attention to and speaking up for ourselves can feel pretty uncomfortable. It's all the emotional baggage of those times we experienced pain, fear and guilt (or we sensed the threat of these) for advocating for ourselves. Re the mysteries, if you're in the UK, I watched them all on BBC iPlayer.
Oh, Natalie. I’m glad you’re doing well. I had some similar feelings in the fall after brain surgery. Feeling like letting others take care of me was “too much”, or that I had to be ahead of the curve on my healing. I really had to take a step back and re-evaluate my life and when I did, I saw that I was chronically burnt out. My partner had been buying his free time at the expense of my exhaustion. And when I tried to get a better balance in my life, I was treated as if I was unreasonable and accused of having a mental breakdown because of my surgery. I’ve had to make some major adjustments in my life that, while painful, will be for the better in the end. But I do feel I’ve had a profound shift in my thinking and it’s been so much better for me. I financially learned how to say no to take care of myself without (much) guilt. Take care of you and remember that healing isn’t linear, sometimes it’s all over the place but you will get there 😘
"My partner had been buying his free time at the expense of my exhaustion." Ouch. And to then be treated as unreasonable when you made more than reasonable adjustments only adds to the pain. Your experience is something a lot of people pleasers experience. They don't realise how much certain folks rely on their taking of their needs and wants--their people pleasing entourage. I'm glad things are improving for you. You are absolutely doing the right thing. And thank you--you're so right about recovery not being linear. Take care of you.
This resonated deeply, Natalie—especially your point about how hard it can be to let ourselves need things, let alone ask for them. There’s so much tenderness in how you describe the tension between advocating for yourself and unlearning the instinct to minimize your needs. I felt that line—“I don’t need to shrink myself to make it minimally taxing for others to take care of me.” What a powerful reframe.
Also loved the image of using this downtime not just to heal, but to reset and renegotiate how you want to show up in this new season. Feels like such a gift in disguise. Thank you for modeling that it’s okay to slow down—and that rest, softness, and clarity can go hand in hand.
Sending warmth as you continue to recover and recalibrate. 💛
Hope you’re on the mend. Glad you took your own advice and spoke up! X
Thanks so much, Katie x
Why is advocating for oneself so much harder than for others? I'm so glad you did and are using your recovery time to rest and reset. I'd love to rewatch all those mysteries, too!
Thanks so much, Lisa. I think we're so oriented to be almost overattuned to other people's needs and wants that paying attention to and speaking up for ourselves can feel pretty uncomfortable. It's all the emotional baggage of those times we experienced pain, fear and guilt (or we sensed the threat of these) for advocating for ourselves. Re the mysteries, if you're in the UK, I watched them all on BBC iPlayer.
I'm sure you are right. I'm in Slovenia, but reading an Agatha Christie at the moment. 📖
Oh, Natalie. I’m glad you’re doing well. I had some similar feelings in the fall after brain surgery. Feeling like letting others take care of me was “too much”, or that I had to be ahead of the curve on my healing. I really had to take a step back and re-evaluate my life and when I did, I saw that I was chronically burnt out. My partner had been buying his free time at the expense of my exhaustion. And when I tried to get a better balance in my life, I was treated as if I was unreasonable and accused of having a mental breakdown because of my surgery. I’ve had to make some major adjustments in my life that, while painful, will be for the better in the end. But I do feel I’ve had a profound shift in my thinking and it’s been so much better for me. I financially learned how to say no to take care of myself without (much) guilt. Take care of you and remember that healing isn’t linear, sometimes it’s all over the place but you will get there 😘
"My partner had been buying his free time at the expense of my exhaustion." Ouch. And to then be treated as unreasonable when you made more than reasonable adjustments only adds to the pain. Your experience is something a lot of people pleasers experience. They don't realise how much certain folks rely on their taking of their needs and wants--their people pleasing entourage. I'm glad things are improving for you. You are absolutely doing the right thing. And thank you--you're so right about recovery not being linear. Take care of you.
Yes to advocating for yourself and for allowing yourself to be taken care of, Nat x
Thank you for sharing. Continued best wishes for your overall wellbeing.